Do you have "mom guilt" over your "me time?" Or worse, do you fail to pursue your own interests because of the threat of Mom Guilt, or the threat of overwhelm?
This post is going to change things for you.
Decision, Indecision, and Belief
First of all, good job. Good job laying low. Good job not rocking the boat. Good job people-pleasing. Good job taking care of everyone!
Those are some things I'm certain you know very well how to do. What are some of your other gifts? What are you interested in?
Psst... I didn't ask you what you and your partner or you and your family like to do for fun. I asked you what your gifts and interests are. <3
Get out your journal or a sheet of paper. It's time for a fill-in-the-blank exercise!
Maybe some of these don’t have obvious connections in your life, and if that’s the case, skip it and move on to the next one! Don’t force it.
Fill in the blanks:
I can’t try my hand at ______ right now, because I don’t have time.
I never ______, because I can’t justify the expense.
I can’t let anyone know what I really think about ______, because ______ would get mad or it would be awkward.
I can’t change my mind about ______ or stop going to ______, even though I don’t enjoy it or it isn’t right for me, because that would be flakey.
My [family member] will ______ if I tell them I want to make time to try ______, but I've always thought I'd be good at it!
This is kind of fun, right? What you now have in front of you to examine are some of your BELIEFS.
We All Have Limiting Beliefs
So now you have the opportunity to look at some things that maybe you didn’t even know you believed.
Let me show you, using a made-up sample fill-in-the-blank from the exercise above.
My [sister] will [laugh at me] if I tell her I want to make time to try [ballet class], but I've always wanted to do it!
If I look at this statement, I can see some things I believe.
- I value the opportunity to go to ballet.
- I value my sister's opinion. I believe she will laugh at me if I tell her I want to make it a priority. When I look further at that belief, I realize I’m afraid she’ll think it’s silly, and that she’ll think it’s an invalid reason to spend time away from my house & kids. Maybe she's right!!
- IT IS EVIDENT THAT I value her opinion more than I value my own desire to go to ballet. (Otherwise, I would make the time to be there, right?)
Can you see how my reasoning for not doing something I want to do...is starting to sound a little silly?
Statement #1 is my authentic desire to try something new.
Statement #2 is a limiting belief, in this case a conjecture my ego has come up with based on my own fear of being judged, and my own guilt about wanting time to myself. It’s not necessarily true that my sister will laugh at me, but even if she does, which thing do I value more—my genuine desire to go to ballet class, or my desire to avoid an (imaginary) judgment from a family member?
Whose Decision Is it?
In this example, if I don't go to ballet class, that is because of my own decision not to go. It's not because of a family member's unsupportive attitude OR because I don't have time. There are two reasons I don't go:
- I haven't gone yet because of my own belief that I don't have the time management skills to find in my week 90 minutes I can spend at ballet. (BS!)
- I haven't gone yet because of my own belief that my sister's opinion is more important than my desire to go dance. (HELLO, BS, OMG, LOL, BS).
In other words, no matter what my beliefs are about the circumstances, it's actually my decisions (not my circumstances) which make all the difference.
Does it feel wild to you to carve out some Me Time in your schedule for an independent hobby? Does it feel wild to quit the book club you used to enjoy but now feels like a chore?
Does it feel wild to speak up in a conversation and say what you really think—without adding the tone of a question mark at the end?
You sometimes have to call up your wildness in order to get you to your peace. It's hard. I want you to know I realize that!
And I also want you to know you can’t blame anybody else if you’re not willing to wildly go after your own definition of peace.
These are the choices in life that help us feel confident and fulfilled — if we are willing to take the time to examine them, and then act with authority over our own life.
As always, I'm here to help you be conscious of where you are giving your power away! Leave a comment and let me know what you learned from doing this journaling exercise! How is your Mom Guilt holding you back?